Monkey gang banger in Da Haaaaauuuuse!

I almost had to throw down with a monkey on X-mas day, of all days.
Good thing there was a fence dividing us or I woulda been head-bobbing and finger-waving with him.

My parents love to tell a story about when I was in the pre-talking-not-making-words stage and they took my brother and I to the San Antonio zoo. My mom parked the stroller in front of the monkey cage, probably had to go chase my brother. A monkey grunted at me and I grunted back. We apparently had a very pleasant conversation. So much so that the other monkeys gathered around my stroller to get in on it.

Well, fast-forward thirty-something years. It happened again. Same zoo, probably the same cage display. But this time I am in the post-speech stage of life. We were watching a monkey balance on a rope and then very ungracefully swing himself around, Buster Keaton style.
Out of nowhere, a little guy came over to the fence and started making grunting sounds and only makin eye-contact with me, so we all grunted back. He looked up at me and grabbed a leaf of green leaf lettuce and tried to look fierce by cracking it in half, but it just folded. (It was wet and rainy in San Antonio.) So then he bit the bars. ....but what really took us all over the edge was the gang sign he threw at me. He came up to the fence with his chest all puffed out and threw his arms out really wide, bared his teeth and bit the bar to prove he had huevos enough to do that. And his long skinny arms grabbed the fence real fast. Mind you this was all done in one fell swoop. It also kind of reminded me of that kid in elementary school that charges at kids but doesn't ever go any further than that. He just want to make you flinch. but I digress. ...THEN he showed me his butt. I can't recall, but I think he might've even slapped it! It was a scene out of SNL at that very moment. ...That'll teach me! I think I alarmed it because I did show my teeth as I was laughing. I was laughing so hard that I had to make a mental note of the nearest restroom lest I pee right there in front of the monkey mob!
It all ended when Big Momma came out of the house and asked the kid what the problem was. I think he might be grounded for instigating a fight.
My film ran out at the porcupine display or I would have proof to show in court. (Good thing nothing happened.)